


we never know

by dulceyeol



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, BaekYeol - Freeform, Baekhyun - Freeform, ChanBaek - Freeform, Chanyeol - Freeform, EXO - Freeform, M/M, aaaaaaaaa, chanbaek angst, yeolbaek - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-16
Updated: 2018-02-16
Packaged: 2019-03-19 11:14:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13703310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dulceyeol/pseuds/dulceyeol
Summary: sometimes when it all becomes too much, we push everyone away





	we never know

Chanyeol stirs his coffee before he takes a long sip, cringing at the fact that it had already gone cold. He’d been sitting here in the coffee shop for nearly an hour, waiting for Baekhyun to arrive, staring out the window out onto the cobbled street. The air smelled of mocha and freshly baked goods, like croissants and waffles, but Chanyeol wasn’t interested in eating, not drinking either. He was solely here to talk to Baekhyun about their living arrangement, a very serious matter that Chanyeol didn’t want to talk to him about in private; Chanyeol figured Baekhyun was less likely to make a scene if it was in front of people.

The coffee shop is decently full, chatter that Chanyeol can’t understand all around him. That was the thing about living in Paris; although he studied hard, there was still so much about the language around him that he didn’t know. He figures that the honor to study what he loves-music- in a city that he’s admired all of his life is worth the struggle of the language barrier. He'd applied to an overseas studying program from back home where he lived in Seattle, and was surprised to come home to a letter telling him 'congratulations, Mr. Park, you've been accepted into our music education program in Paris, France!'. He wasted no time flying out here, just to make sure he had enough time to take in the scenery and find a job, as well as land someplace to live. Even though he's been here for a year now, everything still seems so new to Chanyeol, everything around him exciting. He had so many reasons he never wanted to leave.

Chanyeol’s just about to tap on the shoulder on one of the waitresses passing by to ask for another coffee when he sees the man he’s been waiting for outside the glass door of the coffee shop. Baekhyun’s wearing a sweater, underneath a jean jacket and a beret sits on top of his head. It’s so annoyingly touristy that Chanyeol can't help but find it endearing even though he is an hour late. He considers telling Baekhyun when he walks in that he looks cute, but he doesn't. That's not why he's here.

“About damn time,” Chanyeol groans, glaring at Baekhyun when he sits down across from him. Baekhyun doesn’t even make eye contact as he begins flipping through the mini menu they have on the table, his eyes scanning the pages like he doesn’t have a care in the world. “What took you so long, what happened to ‘meet me here at noon’?” Chanyeol asks.

Baekhyun ignores him, asking instead “what’s good here?” There’s a hint of a smile on his lips, small yet teasing and Chanyeol feels tension growing in his gut.

“Aren’t you listening to me? Why are you- You know what, whatever, you were late, who cares. I asked you to meet me here because I have something I want to talk about.” Chanyeol says, as calmly as possible. He knows what he's about to say would catch anybody off guard, but he feels like Baekhyun will take this especially hard. He braces himself.

“Hmm.” Baekhyun says as he tilts his head, his eyes still focused on the menu. “Should I order un serré? Or maybe just a regular espresso….”

“Baekhyun, you’re not listening.”

“Maybe I’ll have a tea and a croissant.”

Chanyeol rolls his eyes and sits forward in his seat, his agitation level high. He doesn't know how else to say it so he rips the band-aid off, clean and simple. “Baekhyun, you need to move out.”

Instantly, Baekhyun’s eyes shoot up from the menu and land on Chanyeol’s, confused and hurt, like Chanyeol had just told him his dog died. “What?”

“I said-” Chanyeol falters, the same confidence he had the first time he said it nowhere to be found. He clears his throat and looks down at his thumbs twiddling on the table, unable to face Baekhyun directly. “You need to leave my apartment. You can’t um, you can’t stay there anymore.”

Baekhyun scoffs and slaps the menu down onto the table, crossing his arms over his chest. “Any reason why?” Chanyeol doesn’t really have an answer to that besides the fact that being with Baekhyun almost all day, everyday has started to drive him insane, in different ways than someone would think. Everytime the boy laughs at his lame jokes, every time he cooks dinner for the two of them while dancing around in his pajamas, every time he makes some crude, dirty remark in passing, every time he praises a piece of music Chanyeol has put together, Chanyeol just can’t take it.

When Baekhyun had first moved in, it was because he’d replied to an ad Chanyeol had posted requesting a roommate who could help in paying rent- being a student in a foreign city wasn’t easy and combining both of their paychecks from their jobs helped tremendously. It wasn’t even like Baekhyun was a bad roommate either; he wasn’t overly messy and he wasn’t too loud, at least not to the point that Chanyeol couldn’t handle it. He stayed in his room when it was time to do that and he gave Chanyeol the remote to the TV more often than not, content with watching whatever show the other wanted to watch. He didn’t stay out at all hours of the night and he flushed the toilet every time he went. If you looked up what the textbook definition of a good roommate was, Baekhyun was that if not more. For the longest, Chanyeol had no complaints.

Things got complicated though the second Chanyeol and Baekhyun slept together. It was an accident, at least that's what Chanyeol told himself the next morning over and over again, that it only happened because they were drunk and Baekhyun wouldn’t stop insisting that they hook up. He tried to tell himself that it was a mistake, that if Baekhyun had just kept his hands to himself that night, nothing would’ve happened. It was harder to convince himself that the time after that was an accident though, and the time after that and the time after that. By the time it became a regular thing, Baekhyun usually being the one to initiate things, whether it be a whisper in Chanyeol’s ear or a subtle hand on his thigh, Chanyeol was in too deep to even care if it was an accident or not. He admitted to himself finally that he enjoyed the times he spent with Baekhyun, how it felt to have Baekhyun literally melt beneath his touch, how it felt to see him panting and sweaty because of the way he kissed him. What was once an innocent roommate arrangement was now a friends with benefits situation and Chanyeol had always had trouble with keeping his sex life and feelings separate. He didn’t love Baekhyun per say, not yet, but he was certain that was only because of his constant denial. Chanyeol knew that if he let himself feel love for Baekhyun, it’d be way too easy to do so and he wouldn’t be able to handle the sentiment not being reciprocated. Chanyeol knew that their nights together were nothing but sex to Baekhyun, that Baekhyun didn’t see him as anything more than his roommate that he banged from time to time, a game, someone to make him feel good every once in a while. In the beginning, that wasn’t too bad for Chanyeol to accept but now, when he stays up late at night in his room and hears Baekhyun just down the hall screwing someone else, crying out a name that isn’t his, the pain and jealousy almost feels too much to bear.  
That’s why he needs him out of his apartment. He can always find someone else to room with, someone who he won’t go red with jealousy with, everytime they talk about dating or fucking someone that isn’t him.

Chanyeol returns his focus back to Baekhyun and takes a deep breath. “There’s no reason, I just- I need time on my own. I need my own space back, I need room to breathe.”

Baekhyun lifts his brows like he’s offended. “Oh, so you can’t breathe with me around now? What’s changed in the past year?”

We've changed, Chanyeol wants to scream out. We changed and my heart changed and my head changed and I think I love you even though it was never supposed to go that far and I just need you to get away from me, as far away as you can go because I can’t think when you’re around, Baekhyun. That’s what Chanyeol wants to say, but he doesn’t, he can’t. So he says, “Nothing. I just think it’s time for a change.”

There’s a beat of silence before Baekhyun says, “If it’s because you don’t want to fuck me anymore, that’s all you have to say. You don’t need to kick me out onto the streets with some bullshit excuse like you 'need some change’ because you’re too afraid to tell me that you’re done with the little friends with benefits thing we have going on.”

Chanyeol blanches, looking all around the coffee shop to see if anybody around them heard what Baekhyun had said. “Can you shut up?” he croaks, his cheeks going red and hot.

“What? You’re ashamed?” Baekhyun asks.

“No, I’m not ashamed but we’re in public and you’re talking about our….sex life! Can’t you handle this a little more maturely?”

“You’re one to talk about maturity,” Baekhyun laughs humorlessly. “We had sex less than ten hours ago and here we are, in some no name coffee shop where you’re telling me to move out of the apartment that we’ve shared for a year now, without a viable reason. That’s real mature, Chanyeol. You couldn’t tell me at home, huh? You know, between the breakfast I made or the lunch I ordered in? You thought ‘oh, maybe the romantic atmosphere of the coffee shop will soften the blow and he won’t kill me’?”

Chanyeol sags in frustration, not knowing what he’s supposed to tell Baekhyun to make this any better or make any sense but he can’t change his mind, no matter how upset Baekhyun is. “You don’t have to move out immediately, just by the end of the month. And it has nothing to do with us...sleeping together, whatsoever. Just, please don’t take this personally, okay? I know it’s sudden and we’re in public so it’s weird but, don’t think I haven’t put a lot of thought into this. You being my roommate it, it was great while it lasted but sometimes, please just need to be on their own, you know? Please understand, Baek." 

Baekhyun looks down at the table and then looks up at Chanyeol. His expression has softened, he seems less angry, an almost sad expression replacing what he had on before. “Fine then. I’ll start packing next week, I’ll be gone by the end of the month. Happy?”

Of course Chanyeol’s not happy but he knows he’ll feel such a relief once Baekhyun is gone. Of course there was the possibility of Baekhyun having feelings for Chanyeol back, a small glimmer of hope that they could be something more than what they were but in the end, there was a bigger picture. Baekhyun wasn’t a permanent resident in Paris, he was a student just like Chanyeol and while Chanyeol would go back to Korea, where he came from, Baekhyun would eventually go back to America and they'd never even see each other anyways. They had lives on completely different sides of the world and a 'what if' wasn't going to be enough for them to leave that all behind. Besides, Baekhyun wasn’t the type that could be tied down so easily, it was evident in the various men he brought back to the apartment at night and the many dates he went on during the day. And just how would Chanyeol explain to his mother that he had a boy he wanted her to meet when all of his life his mother has been expecting a daughter in law? It would never work between them, no matter what Chanyeol did. So the best thing he could do for himself, was separate himself from Baekhyun and never see him again. Just thinking about that made Chanyeol’s chest ache in a way it never had before.

“I’m sorry.” Chanyeol says solemnly.

“Don’t be.” Baekhyun replies. “I should go though, since you know, you said everything you needed to say. At least I think you have.”

Chanyeol nods.

“Great. Well then, I guess I’ll see you back at home.” This rolls off of Baekhyun’s tongue bitterly, now that he knows that it won’t be his home for much longer. He gets up to leave and Chanyeol doesn’t object, he’s said his piece and has nothing left he can say. Baekhyun’s adjusting his scarf though, about to walk away from the table when he looks at Chanyeol and asks “so, during that entire time we messed around, you never uh…. You never felt anything more?”

Chanyeol’s heart stops beating in his chest and his body goes stiff. What’s Baekhyun really asking? “More meaning what?”

A pause and then, “More meaning did you ever… feel anything? Towards me? In a way that wasn’t only sexual?” He’s staring directly into Chanyeol’s eyes and Chanyeol is staring right back, hoping that his face isn’t giving anything away.

He could tell him everything, how he’s falling for him a little bit more each day that they spend together and that the times they just sit and play video games or the times they go out to a bar to drink beer and laugh at each other’s dumb drunk stories are the happiest moments of his life but he doesn’t. It won’t even matter in the end anyway so with as steady a voice as possible Chanyeol says, “No, Baekhyun. Never.”

Baekhyun reads Chanyeol’s face almost like he doesn’t quite believe him, almost like he doesn’t want to believe him and then he frowns. “Good.” He pulls his beret over his eyes and clears his throat. “Me neither,” and Chanyeol winces. By now, he can tell when Baekhyun is lying but he doesn’t even get the chance to call him out before he walks out of the shop, his hands in his pockets just as they were when he came in. Its then, when Baekhyun is gone, that Chanyeol has time to just sit there and saturate in the fact that he’s the biggest idiot on the planet; and that he just let someone that he could’ve actually fallen in love with and have them love him back just as much, walk away.

**Author's Note:**

> hello if ur reading this that means u read this entire mess of a story and i love u! 
> 
> its my first time posting my exo work online so i hope it wasnt too bad, im still improving but id love if you told me what you think in the comments!!


End file.
